Pallor Animus
by MarandaWrites
Summary: It is the gangs' seventh year at Hogwarts. Pressure is a normal thing to cope with in life. Especially for Gryffindor's Prefect, Hermione Granger. With exams coming up, stress becomes overwhelming. See inside for more
1. A Story of A Girl

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything of J.K's. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Any similar events, names are coincidence. This is my one disclaimer for the whole story. Again, I disclaim any HP properties. **

**Summary: It is the gangs' seventh year at Hogwarts. Pressure is a normal thing to cope with in life. Especially for Gryffindor's Prefect, Hermione Granger. With exams coming up, stress becomes overwhelming. Hermione starts to find ways to deal with stress, and bad habits begin to form. Unexpectedly, someone notices. **

**Setting: Seventh Year, assuming Harry defeated Voldemort his third or fourth year. (Obviously I know what happened-have all books- but I don't want to get into any war scenes or predicaments just yet)**

**Warning: Anyone uncomfortable with topics of anorexia, bulimia, self-injury, or suicide please **_**leave now**_**. THIS IS FICTIONAL!! (I don't know how many times I need to write this...DON'T TAKE THIS LITERALLY.)**

Author's Notes: This is a reply to my reality-challenge (see my website). Please review kindly. Constructive criticism welcome, but no flames please. This is not meant to offend anyone. The title, by the way, means _Fading Soul_. (It's Latin) Oy! - This is hurt/comfort. NOT A MARY SUE!! At least I don't intend it to be.

**Pallor Animus**

_I have become comfortably numb._

_Chapter 1: A Story of a Girl _

_Come on, one more minute and I'm done. _

A nearby clock began to ring. Once. Twice. Three times. It didn't stop until it reached its tenth gong.

_Finally, I can go to bed._

Hermione Granger shut her Advanced Potions book and held onto it tightly like a secret. Her curly brown hair bounced as she ran from the library to the Grand Staircase. Late night studying was beginning to bother her, as it left her with limited slumber. If her body didn't rest for a certain amount of time, mornings would bring nothing but drowsiness and lack of concentration. She wanted to study some more, _just in case_, but couldn't stay awake.

Once climbing the staircase, Hermione noticed an animal nearing her. It was Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat.

"I'm Prefect, don't forget," Hermione said to the cat, but more to herself.

The irritated cat meowed and bounded off in a different direction. Sometimes Hermione wished to be an animagus so no one could bother her. Maybe it would allow her some peace and quiet as well.

She got to her room and plopped onto a sea of warm blankets. Being prefect had its advantages, especially when it came to luxurious living. She didn't like to brag, but her satin sheets were more than comfortable. And her bathroom was always tidy and sparkling, thanks to the house elves. Hermione hated the thought of house elves having to practically be slaves, but at least her environment was tolerable.

"Goodnight, Hogwarts." Hermione quickly changed into a red nightgown and fell back into bed. She tucked herself in and shut her eyes tightly.

Sleep never came easy for Hermione. Her mind was always racing with worries and ideas leftover from the day's events. Since she'd been studying all day, her mind was fixated on Advanced Potions. Severus Snape made sure to give everyone homework and tests, even with midterms coming up. He never had any compassion for his students. Not once had he excused the class from weekend work. Hermione hated going along with his curriculum. Then again, his teaching ethics continued to _make_ students work. If he decided to become more affectionate, the class would probably become lazy.

This made Hermione wonder what would happen if she, _The Know-it-all_, stopped working one day. Snape would probably have a field day with nasty names for her. But she couldn't force herself not to study or complete her lessons. Even if they drove her crazy in the long run, she had to finish all work up to the last period.

_If asphodel is added to the wings of a dragonfly,_ thought Hermione, _and mixed with the roots of a . . . what was that plant? Damn it, I'll fail for sure._

0o0o0o0o

"Morning, all." Ron was the last to join breakfast the next morning. "I see we have our standard toast and jelly this morning. That's why I snuck in the kitchen and ate bacon before I joined you."

"Pig." Ginny mumbled.

Harry laughed, "You've been sneaking back there for the past week. You better watch out or you'll gain a million pounds."

"Oh well. It's worth it. The pancakes are worth it, and bacon every once in awhile won't affect me."

"You might not gain the weight, Ronald, but that doesn't mean your body will appreciate the sudden grease intake. You might as well eat sticks of butter and wash it down with five gallons of slimy animal fat." Hermione's descriptive words disturbed Ron.

He stopped eating.

"Ease up, 'Mione," Ginny said in defense, "Ron's been skipping supper to get some extra studying in. Mum says if he fails, she'll start giving him hand-me-down underwear."

"I don't think she means it," Ron added, "but I don't want to see her go mental."

Hermione laughed, "I understand now. I've been up late studying too."

"We all have," replied Harry.

Breakfast soon ended with silence and last second studying. Ron, Hermione, and Harry had two classes before Snape's, which meant extra time to worry. Hermione's thoughts centered around her thought the previous night. Maybe if she purposely failed her upcoming test she could prove that someone could stand up to Snape. She didn't think he would do anything about it. It wouldn't be insulting him directly, but more his teaching methods and class in general.

Hermione couldn't pull it off.

Charms class was a bit on the dull side. Flitwick lectured about upcoming finals and hinted different chapters of their textbooks to study. He described certain spells the class stumbled over the first few times of using, and he held an open question session before the end of class came. Not too many students spoke, but all listened. Flitwick was surprised no one fell asleep from the monotonous mood set in the room.

The threesome soon enjoyed their second class with Hagrid in The Care of Magical Creatures. He, too, had planned a test for today. However, it was so easy; it only took the class an average of five minutes to take. Class was let out early as a treat before the weekend. Hermione wasn't too pleased; less time in Hagrid's class meant more time to worry about Snape's test.

"Alright," Harry said, "we just need to remember the most important things in the chapter. You know that old git won't have it in him to torture us yet. He'll wait for midterms and pile the most complicated questions on us."

Ron laughed and added, "Half the questions he asks aren't from the book."

"That's funny to you?" Hermione shot an odd glance at Ron.

"No," He answered, "but the fact that he's that much of a bastard is kind of amusing."

"We have a little over five more minutes before class." Hermione changed the subject, "We should get going."

Harry chimed unhappily, "Fine, let's go."

The dungeons were cold as usual. Ron, Hermione, and Harry entered Advanced Potions and sat in their middle-row seats. A few other students had already entered the room, and were soon joined by the rest of the class. Snape hadn't arrived yet, which gave everyone a moment or two to accomplish some last-minute studying.

Hermione felt a sudden chill. In the midst of her textbook, she realized everything she studied the previous night could not be recalled.

"I'm going to fail," She whispered to Ron.

He replied, "Oh, you're just saying that. Trying to get me nervous, huh? Don't you think I studied as much as Ginny said I did?"

"Relax," Hermione cracked a smile. "You always get this way before an important grade."

A sudden burst caused students to jump. Severus Snape sauntered into the classroom with his nose held high and arms swaying by his side. To Hermione, he reminded her of a soldier ready to attack. As he stood and faced his students, all fell quiet.

"I expect you all to have the proper knowledge for this chapter test. Please take everything off of your desk except for a standard quill and we will start in a moment." Severus took a stack of papers from his desk and began to pass them out.

Hermione's palms began to sweat as her body temperature fluctuated up and down. A ball of knots sat at the very bottom of her stomach. Within seconds, two white sheets of were vehemently placed in front of her. She waited for the shadowy figure of her teacher to pass before she looked up, away from the test. Her eyes focused back on the paper as she forced her hand to hold the quill. Next to Hermione, Ron was scribbling away answers left and right. All around Hermione, the sounds of writing infected her ears like the plague.

_Focus, Hermione. Now, try and remember everything from last night._

The quill hit her paper, but failed at moving. Hermione never felt this anxious in her life. She glanced towards Snape's desk and watched as he looked around the room. His face was expressionless. Instantly, Hermione's body froze. She felt an icy stare from the darkness of her professor's eyes.

Severus arched an eyebrow.

"Are we having problems over there, Miss Granger?" Snape asked. "Keep your eyes on the paper until you are complete with the test."

The world ended. Hermione felt the blood rush to her head and redden her cheeks. Embarrassment was Snape's deadly weapon, and he knew how to aim perfectly.

It took a few deep breaths before Hermione was able to focus again. She answered the questions, knowing the majority of them were guesses. There was never a time in her educational life that Hermione felt this unsure of herself.

"Alright," Snape stood up and said, "pass the tests to the end of your row and I'll collect them. Take out your textbooks, but do not open them yet."

Ron asked, "How do you think you did, 'Mione?"

"Let's just say I've never felt worse."

"Miss Granger, there will be no talking." Snape stood beside her and took the pile of papers from her row. He sneered at her and moved on to the next row of students.

Ron whispered, "Sorry bout that."

Harry turned to face Ron and asked, "Do you suppose Snape just wants to pick on her? You were talking too."

"Doesn't matter now," Ron answered, "we have the rest of class to deal with him."


	2. Uncanny Assignments

**A/N: **I have to thank each and every one of you for adding my story to alerts, faves, and for reviewing too. I never recieved such quick response to an HP fanfic. Thank you. Hopefully you will all like how this story progresses.

_Chapter 2: Uncanny Assignments_

Harry was the first to realize the sudden defeated look in Snape's face. He placed the tests on his desk and approached the blackboard. The chalk lifted into the air on its own as Snape started to speak softly.

The board read, _Pages 400 through 403: Partnered projects for mid-term preparations - Conjuring an original potion with limited ingredients for first-aid emergencies. To be completed by the end of three class sessions._

"Alright," Severus began impatiently. "I do not want anyone to protest this next assignment. Your headmaster directed me to partner you up for this project due to its complexity. In order to show you real-life situations in the classroom, the professor must provide lessons with such . . . conditions. Furthermore, I will not ask twice for you all to take this seriously, for it will count as ten percent of your final grade this year. As I call you and your partner's name, sit together and wait for further instructions."

"It shouldn't be too bad," Ron said. "If we're partnered up, the workload is split up. Easy as pie."

Hermione joked, "Don't mention pie. I'm hungry."

"One tiny detail I have almost forgotten." Snape took a slightly deeper breath than before. "You are going to be partnered with someone outside of your house. Slytherins are to be paired up with Gryffindors. Albus wanted it this way, and I must abide by his rules."

A lump in Hermione's throat appeared out of nowhere, as if she swallowed a smushy rock.

_"Bloody hell,_" Ron blurted as the color drained from his cheeks.

Harry's eyebrows raised to the ceiling while his mouth formed an _'O'_ shape.

Across the room, the Slytherins were slumping in their seats. Only Malfoy and his posse were laughing. They knew this was a great opportunity to torture some poor little Gryffindor.

Snape, however, did not find his students' reactions amusing whatsoever. He rolled his eyes and ignored the noise. His voice boomed across the room with the first name . . . _**Neville Longbottom.**_ So it began; Severus paired up each student one by one in no specific order. Neville crossed his fingers and soon found himself sitting next to Jenna Seymour, a somewhat quiet Slytherin who was known for pulling pranks more harmful than the Weasley Twins'.

With four possible pairings left, the trio of friends knew Snape would curse them with their enemies. Though predictable, Harry did not expect to be paired with Crabbe. Goyle and Ron were partnered too. Now four students were left, and Hermione's heart jumped into her throat when her name was called.

"Miss Granger, your partner for this assignment is . . .Mr. Draco Malfoy." Severus' sly smile disturbed even the Slytherins.

Draco shot up from his seat and exclaimed, "What? I have to work with her? No way!"

"Did I not say, Mr. Malfoy, that there is to be no arguments with this assignment?."

Malfoy knew better than to cause tension with the head of his house.

Hermione's cheeks were now beat red, heart racing with rage. How dare Severus Snape, the dirty git, pair her with a ferret! Hermione's feet dragged her to the Slytherin side of the room. She plopped into the seat next to Draco. Luckily, Harry sat in front of her. Crabbe grumbled once both Harry and Hermione were next to him.

"This is unbelievable." Draco mumbled.

Hermione said, "You're not the only one who wants to leave."

"Look," He replied. "I'm glad you are so open and honest, but I don't want to hear your ugly voice."

"Hey!" Harry turned in his seat to face Draco. "Don't you dare talk to Hermione that way."

Severus boomed, "Ten points from Gryffindor. Potter, if I hear you talk to anyone but your partner, I will throw you out of class. When I say this project is to be taken seriously, I mean it. Any other takers? Are we all settled down now and ready to proceed?"

Draco kicked the side of Hermione's leg. She glared at him.

He whispered coldly, "Mudblood."

She had been called that a few other times in her life from Draco. The shock still took place, but she could control the tears now. Hermione taught herself to not take verbal abuse to heart; Draco would eventually think he was wasting his time if she portrayed no pain from it.

"Now," Severus continued. "I'd like you to turn your books to the appropriate pages and start gathering ideas of what you want to make. Also, write out a list of ingredients you need and pass them in before class is over. You all have a half an hour to complete these simple tasks. Go."

An eruption of talking spilled over the classroom and into the dungeon halls. Every student seemed to clash with their partner, some not so severe. Ron and Goyle began to threaten each other. Crabbe literally shoved Harry out of seat. Neville shook nervously in his seat as Jenna laughed maliciously - he had sat on a slimy substance conjured from her wand.

"Don't harass me," Hermione said to break the silence between her and Draco.

Draco sneered. "Do you think I'm going to jeopardize my grade by harassing you in class? I'll just save it for when I see you after school."

"Class!" Severus yelled, "I'd appreciate if you kept from killing each other and began your work before I flunk you all."

The class went silent. The scholastic atmosphere returned.

"Let's start already." Draco said.

They both opened their books and read the directions. Hermione began to sweat. A bubble of nerves popped in her stomach, causing sudden nausea. She took a few deep breaths and glanced at Draco. In this classroom, a hell formed. No way would Hermione succumb to being civil with such a childish and mean teenager. She'd rather die.

Draco spoke seriously, "We need to write a list of ingredients before the end of class. So let's hurry up and figure out what we're going to create. The book says we can make anything we want, but it has to be pro-health."

"I'd like to interrupt you all for a moment," Snape began behind his desk. "Once you turn in your ingredient list, I will be changing a few of them and crossing out some altogether. This task is not only to conjure a first-aid potion, but to use only certain number of things. Since you don't go in my personal study, there's no way you'd know what I have available for use, or what I'm allowing. Please continue."

"Professor," Goyle blurted. "can't you just tell us what our limitations are?"

Snape replied, "This project, though frustrating, must be done by the student without help from the professor. It is your judgement that will help you figure out what type of items you will have in the sate of emergency."

"I know what we can do," Hermione said to Draco. "Tell me what kind of potion you want to make. What it has to do with pertains to the atmosphere you are in at that time. That's how we find out what we have available to us."

Draco frowned. "Can you repeat what you said in English please?"

She spoke again, "Say you want to make a remedy for an imp bite. Look up where imps are located and therefore find what we can use from our surroundings."

"Oh." The taste in Draco's mouth was sour. He hated Hermione. "I know what you mean."

Harry turned around and shot a reassuring smile at Hermione. He had heard her realization too.

"Crabbe," Harry practically woke him up. "I have a plan."

"What the bloody hell do you want? I'm going to sleep. You can do this stupid thing by yourself." What a trooper Crabbe was.

A little bit of time passed by with partners conversing. Draco forced himself to keep his rude comments down to a minimum. He was working with a brainiac and would take advantage of this. He knew, however, if trouble were to truly ignite between them, there would be no stopping his firey mouth.

The nerves in Hermione's stomach settled a bit. She preoccupied herself with writing her and Draco's name on a piece of blank parchment.

"Alright," She took charge and talked quickly. "We need to figure out what potion we want to make right now. There's only twenty minutes left in class and I'm not about to fail because of your immaturity. do we want to make a first-aid potion for a bite? A scratch? Or maybe there's something you really want to cure . . ."

"Can we find something that cures impurities in blood?" Draco shot carelessly.

Hermione ignored the comment and said, "Fine. We'll do it my way then if you're not willing to help. How about deadly snake bites?"

"Sure. Whatever."

The decision was made. Though Hermione felt as if the project was one-sided so far, she would push herself to continue with hope. Severus obviously paired her with Draco on purpose. The new seating plan due to this challenge hurt her as well; A painful throb of discomfort settled in her soul the second she sat down.

And so it began . . . The stress level Hermione held in her subconcious raised slightly, sparking off a flame of doubt. A flame that could become a full-blown fire if the unexpected fuel of life splashed itself onto Hermione's heart long enough.


	3. Know It All

_Chapter 3: Know It All _

"Class," Severus addressed the students. "You have ten minutes left before turning in your work for the day. Tomorrow, I will be handing your lists back along with today's test. Sit with your partners at the beginning of class or there will be consequences. That is all."

Draco glanced at his partner. Her spiraling hair fell forwards as she wrote ingredients onto a blank parchment. The sight of her actually completing schoolwork made Draco sick to his stomach. Something about her know-it-all demeanor prevented him from cooperating.

"There." Hermione shoved the paper to the side. She said, "Look at it and see if we need any other ingredients to work with. If you don't look it over, I will tell Snape you won't work. I don't quite care if he believes me or not, for he will at least keep an eye on us from then on."

Without argument, Draco read the list. It seemed fine to him.

"Man of few words?" Hermione teased. She closed her textbook and smirked. She had won the battle.

Another silence filled the gap between her and Draco, but his voice soon returned.

"You did a good job," He said. "I suppose I should participate next time since this will be both of our grades on the line. This _is _ten percent of our final grade, after all."

"Thank you for finally being civil, Draco." Hermione's nerves relaxed a bit. Perhaps this project wouldn't be so hard to work on with such an impossible boy.

"Whatever," Draco replied. "Just try and understand who I am. I have a reputation to uphold. The likes of a mudblood working well with me is a one-in-a-million chance."

Hermione nodded.

Class ended as students gathered to hand in their lists. Severus stayed sitting at his desk with a disappointed look for everyone that passed by. Draco left the room expecting Hermione to hand everything in.

"I will be surprised to see if you both worked well together, Mr. Potter." Snape watched Harry and Crabbe hand in a particularly long list and exit the classroom.

"Here, Sir." Hermione approached the desk and handed her paper in. She spoke calmly, "Draco and I stumbled upon an interesting way to find available ingredients for the problem being solved."

Snape stared blankly at Hermione. Other students piled their parchments on his desk and left without speaking a word. She felt alone.

"I see." Snape placed the paper on top of the others. He added, "I'll be reading it first tonight. Looking forward to seeing Mr. Malfoy's contribution to your usual grade-a work. You two as a pair amuses me."

"Oh." Hermione felt the unspoken insult hit her hard. Severus wanted to pair them together on purpose to see the exploding effects. She wouldn't stay to hear anymore of the greasy git's comments.

The dungeon halls were far behind her now; Hermione walked in thought to Herbology. She eventually caught up with Harry, Neville, and Ron. They were discussing the upcoming holidays. However happy everyone could be once mid-terms were over, the winter holidays weren't the same without some snow on the ground. Hermione wished for a snow storm, for the dead grass cried with agony as her feet crunched it into the frost-bitten ground.

"It's a bit cold out today," Ron observed. "I wonder what we'll do in Herbology today."

Harry chimed, "Nothing new. Madame Sprout said we'd be re-capping last week's work and being given a chance to ask any questions for the mid-term."

Neville looked at Hermione, who seemed distant. He said, "I'm guessing you'll be fine with our mid-terms next week, right Hermione? You've been studying extra hard this month."

"I'd like to hope it will pay off," Hermione replied. "Judging by our professors, this year's tests are to be extremely difficult."

"Yeah, that's bloody rubbish." Ron blurted, "They say that every year. It's to scare you into studying more than neccessary."

"I think Ron's right on that one." Harry smiled as the four entered the Herbology classroom.

The greenhouse windows were laced with frost. Madame Sprout sat at her desk, bundled in a fur coat. The room was set up like any other class today. And like any other class, tasks were at hand.

Professor Sprout settled down her students and began explaining the day's agenda. "Today will consist of reviewing the past chapters we have completed, and an allotted time at the end where you can ask any questions you have. Let's begin by opening our books to chapter three. Can I have a volunteer sum up the chapter?"

Hermione did not raise her hand. She was tired, stressed, and hungry. The words on her book swirled as she avoided focusing. There was nothing worse to her than feeling like giving up on studying or paying attention. This situation wasn't new to her. A ton of bricks bore down on her shoulders, causing her to slouch.

"Are you alright?" Ron whispered to Hermione.

She glanced at Ron, who was next to her. Hermione replied, "Just tired. Very tired."

Neville had volunteered to stand in front of the class and review chapters three and four. Seamus would cover chapter five, and after him Draco would be responsible for chapter six. Hermione wanted nothing to do with it.

"Why don't you re-cap one, 'Mione?" Again, Ron questioned his friend. He had never seen her this quiet in the classroom.

She side-glanced at the red-head and said, "I'm really not in the mood. Besides, Neville knows what he's talking about."

Harry, who sat behind Hermione, spoke up next. "You could go after Draco and prove to know more than him. Correct him on something and really throw his day off." Harry leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.

_Prove to know more than him,_ Hermione thought. _I'm just a know-it-all to everyone, aren't I? Between professors and my actual friends, I can't tell who thinks it more. I need a change . . . Something to prove I'm more than brains. _

A spark ignited in Hermione's cluttered mind, shining brighter than any other thought. The Yule Ball was fast approaching, and would take place the day before Christmas break. Of course she planned on attending, since it was her last year in Hogwarts. She yearned to leave the school making a lasting impression on everyone she'd ever known.

Neville sat down as Seamus Finnigan took his place.

Hermione considered different characteristics and traits to try and change. Obviously the physical appearance could be altered more easily. With a darker shade of eyeshadow or a new hairstyle, anyone received stares and comments. Alas, Hermione decided to improve her looks. Her curly hair was always a trait she'd actually liked about herself, but what if she straightened it? The possibilities were endless, and her new goal motivated her to finally pay attention in class.

When Draco stood up to summarize chapter six, his eyes fell upon Hermione. He wondered why she hadn't volunteered to answer a question or correct a flaw in the last half hour. Working with her in Potions surely proved her to be a brainiac, especially since he had no desire to help until the end. Being a Malfoy had all of its expected quirks, including the hatred of non-pure bloods. However, Draco also realized that Hermione had a lot of guts helping him after being so cruel to her for over six years.

". . .and poison emits from the bud of the flower if it senses danger." Draco finished speaking and waited for further directions.

Professor Sprout gratefully said, "That was a fine job, Mr. Malfoy. Who's next?"

Jenna Seymour from Slytherin raised her hand.

Student by student contributed to the re-cap of over three month's work. Once Herbology was done, it was lunch time.

"I'm going to cry," Neville blurted. "Hermione didn't say anything today."

Ron mumbled, "She was tired."

"I'm right here, Ronald." Hermione shot, "You don't have to whisper about me. I wasn't up to par today. I don't have to answer or ask a question everyday, you know."

Harry sideglanced at her. "We kind of expect you to after so many years, 'Mione. No offense."

"What do you think is for lunch?" Ron interrupted before an argument could start.

The next few minutes were spent walking to The Great Hall, talking about food. Hermione stayed out of the conversation and kept to her own thoughts. Luckily, Neville began talking to her about vacation.

Everyone sat down to begin lunch, but Hermione wasn't in the mood to eat. She instead rummaged through her books to find something to read. Sure, she wanted to change, but there was no harm in studying Potions for the tenth time in one week.

_Anything to avoid eating that moldy-looking sandwhich._

"Have some pudding, 'Mione," Seamus suggested. "It's really good today."

Hermione glanced up from her Potions book and said, "No thank you. I'm not very hungry." Her stomach grumbled. She didn't want to listen to it today.

A sudden slurping noise was heard. Ron was dipping a piece of bread into soup and practically stuffing his face.

"Repulsive." Hermione finally admitted. "You truly kill my appetite, Ron. The soup's not going to walk away, you know."

He stopped eating and swallowed the hot soup. "It might get cold."

Harry began to laugh, as did Neville and Seamus. Hermione smirked, but went on reading. She knew Ron would always be a messy eater, just like she would always be a bookworm. Some characteristics about a person would never change. Though Hermione was preparing to change her appearance, it didn't mean she had to alter her whole persona.


End file.
